


A Town called Fucking

by louise_lawliet



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Awesome Trio, Bad Touch Trio, Gen, Human & Country Names Used, Mild Language, Minor Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), Other Nations Mentioned, PruAus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louise_lawliet/pseuds/louise_lawliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since the dissolution of Prussia and the unification of Germany, Gilbert has felt a little lost and finding himself spending more and more time online discovering new things every day.</p><p>And what does one Prussian do on the discovery of a town named Fucking in the country of Austria?</p><p>Steal the sign of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys :)
> 
> I was on my computer one day and found this half finished, so decided to add more too it :P
> 
> I'm not sure whether to keep this as it is or maybe add another chapter at a later date. I haven't a clue xD
> 
> Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading ^^

_Tick Tock_

_Tick Tock_

That sound was beginning to annoy him. Constant ticking, it wasn't awesome. And do you know what else wasn't awesome? Being stuck in your home without a thing to do. And that was the situation that Gilbert currently found himself in. With his brother currently attending a meeting that only members of the United Nations could attend, he was left in the basement, which he had currently claimed as his ‘Man cave of awesomeness', to do what he pleased.

A short time after World War 2, 1947 if he was exact, the State of Prussia was officially dissolved by the Allies and he had found himself feeling empty. Empty was the only way he could describe it really. That or bored. Both worked. After the construction of the Berlin wall in 1961, he was then made the representative of Eastern Germany. Though during that time, he was still under Soviet Control. Something the Prussian wished to push to the back of his mind and never think of again. And besides, that Russian bastard was creepy as hell anyway. During this time, he was also separated from the only family member he had, Ludwig - Germany. After the Berlin Wall was destroyed in 1989, they were reunited and Germany was reunified as one nation in the year 1990. No longer East or West. No longer separated by a large, almost 4 metre high, wall. Simply Germany. And he was happy, happy to be reunited with his brother, happy that Germany was once again a unified nation, but he just felt lost. An ex-nation. And after 25 years of doing 'Ex-nation things', he had become incredibly bored. He didn't have to attend meetings, he didn't even have to leave the confides of his brother’s house if he didn't want too. And yes, his brother’s house. Ludwig had insisted the Prussian move into his home after the unification. He wasn't one to complain. He was fed, he could sleep until lunch time, he could play video games for hours on end and he could drink as much beer as he liked! And he always believed his nation would once again become the most powerful state in Europe, conquering it one country at a time.

Even if that meant beginning with the conquering of Ludwig's basement.

He remained laying upon his bed, his crimson eyes fixed upon the ceiling, reminiscing of old times. He had begun to do this quite regularly, was he going mad?  _‘Probably’_ he thought. With the mundane ticking that he could still hear, he quickly sat up and tried to find other things to occupy his mind. Before said clock became smaller than the population of Sealand.

"Hallo Gilbird, you bored too?" he called as he walked over to a small metal birdcage that was placed in the corner of the basement. A small  _cheeping_  noise came from within the cage and a rather enthusiastic little chick was attempting to peck his way out of the cage in order to get to his loving master.

"Warten, kleine Vogel," he whispered to his pet as he carefully undid the latch on the cage and opening the door. Once open, the excitable little chick quickly flew up into his masters hair and began pecking and nestling down into the silver strands atop the Prussian's head. 

"Silly little bird," he smiled, reaching up and petting the soft downy feathers of the yellow chick. Gilbird was one of the things he was still thankful for. Gilbird had been there through it all. His days as a Teutonic Knight and with him at both the rise and fall of his nation. Gilbird was just as awesome as he was, and he made sure everyone knew it.

_Tick Tock_

_Tick Tock_

"Verdammt," he mumbled under his breath, that clock was seriously beginning to annoy him. Glancing over toward the infuriating little device, he saw it only read '2:30pm'. That meant he had a few more hours to kill before West got back from the meeting. He continued to pet Gilbird for a few more moments as he brought his gaze across the remainder of the room, it landing upon the desk in which his laptop was placed on.  _'I haven't updated my blog today,’ he_ mused as he went over to the desk and sat in the small seat that accompanied it. Lifting the lid, he turned the device on and quickly brought up his blog. His usual grin returned upon seeing the web page. Writing in his diary's every single day (which he still did and made sure never to forget) had slowly evolved into keeping a blog online, which other people could read also. He flicked back through the various blog entries, snickering at many of them, until he reached one of his favourites. The subject of this particular post was him and his two best friends, Francis - France and Antonio - Spain when they had one of their 'who can drink the most' fests. Accompanying the article, a photograph was also posted. It showing an incredibly wasted Francis vomiting into a toilet with a drunk, but not quite as wasted, Antonio holding back his long blonde hair with one hand whilst the other rested on the Frenchman’s back. The photographer meanwhile, was at the forefront of the picture. Himself holding the camera in front of him, a wide and drunken grin spread across his features as his two friends huddled around the porcelain bowl behind him.

"Kesesese, that was awesome," laughing to himself as he continued to scroll down the various posts. After a short while, he stopped scrolling through times gone by and refreshed the page to get him back to his homepage.

"Huh? Was ist das?" Gilbert then noticed a link to another page along the side of the main content of his blog. It wasn't an unusual find, but it did intrigue him. Especially with the name to this link saying 'The World’s Most Unusual Place names'. The Prussian wasn’t usually one for browsing random internet pages. He simply enjoyed updating his blog and annoying the absolute shit out of other players in various game servers whilst he beat their sorry arses at whatever video game he was playing. But still, this particular web page interested him. It was names of places within countries after all. Maybe he could find something funny to show West, that blonde brother of his needed to smile sometime right? Quietly Laughing to himself, he went ahead and clicked on the link. Reaching up to give his yellow companion a quick pet, he scrolled down the page and his quiet laughing turned into full hysterical outbursts.

“Condom in France? Well, that doesn’t surprise me at all,” Gilbert snorted, his scrolling down the webpage continuing, “Gay in the USA? We all know that Alfred,” he chuckled as he carried on his hunt for the funniest one he could find.

“Wankers corner in the USA, must be where him and Arthur go for ‘special meetings’,” he snickered, “What’s with all the American ones?” he wondered, is this what the young nation did when he was supposed to be doing paperwork or actual duties as a nation? Well, the Prussian wasn’t surprised and if he too had his nation he would probably spend his time doing the same.

After reading through a lot of the names, including many in Germany such as ‘Wankum’ which had him in stitches, he returned back up to the top of the page and tilted his head a little, looking for any names that he could have possibly missed. And that was when he spotted a name that he wasn’t the least bit expecting and let out a loud bark of laughter which promptly knocked Gilbird from his position on his master’s head.

“Seriously?!” he began, wiping an awesome tear from his awesome eyes and he eventually brought his hysterics down to small sniggers, “I didn’t imagine Prissy would allow that.” To be honest, he didn’t even think that this place name was true. It couldn’t be, could it? After a little more internet searching and a few laughing fits later, he was now certain that this was in fact a real place and was in fact a real Austrian place.

“Fucking in Austria. Best place ever!” he snorted, bringing up several information places about the small Austrian village. Gilbert was fascinated by this place, his awesome mind just couldn’t comprehend how someone as prestigious as the aristocrat thought he was would have a place with such a name in his nation. Heck, even Gilbert didn’t have such an honour when his own nation was still going strong. Even so, this sudden piece of information was just the thing the Prussian needed to, well ‘Give him a new purpose in life’ as he thought to put it. Especially reading one interesting story about this unusual little town, making him both excited at the concept of this place actually existing and how he could use it to his advantage. Oh how he loved to annoy his prissy little Austrian. Clicking off of the webpage, he made sure to look over his blog a final time before closing the lid of the laptop and crossing the room to pick up his mobile phone from where he had left it beside Gilbird’s cage the previous evening. He then proceeded to unlock it and open up his messages. Texting the nation who would most likely help him with his planned escapade.

* * *

 

" _So you wanna do what dude?"_ The voice on the other end of the phone call asked, a few slurping noises could be picked out between the words so the ex-nation had deduced almost immediately that the person on the other end of the line was eating. Seeing as it was just after 3pm, it was to be expected really.

"Steal the Fucking sign, Alfred!" Gilbert exclaimed, pacing back and forth across his basement as he spoke. Gilbird had since chosen to stay away from the silver-haired Prussian since being uprooted from his position on the mans head and settled on sitting his masters bed, not before an angry peck to the ear of course.

" _What Fucking sign?!"_  the American nation yelled back, this same conversation had been going on for the better part of 10 minutes and Gilbert still couldn't understand why Alfred didn't get it.

"The sign for the town of 'Fucking', not any old fucking sign." He sighed, rubbing his temples as he heard a few affirmed 'hums' from the other end of the line before having to pull the small device away from his ear as the screech of an excited American threatened to burst his ear drum.

" _Hold on,"_ Alfred went on to mumble, as Gilbert than began to hear shuffling noises for a few moments before the other males voice was heard again, " _You mean the 'Fucking' in Austria's place? Dude, he will frickin kill you if you mess with his stuff! You sure sign stealing is really a good idea?"_

"Yes, I mean the Fucking at Austria's place, yes I know he will kill me and since when have you been one to back down from an awesome plan Alfred?" 

" _You are right there,"_ Alfred mumbled, contemplating the others plan for a few more seconds as he finished his mid afternoon snack, " _I'm in! Just name the time and the place bro,"_

"Awesome!" Gilbert replied, almost throwing himself to lay back onto his bed as he spoke. Much to the surprise of his pet chick, who let out an annoyed chirp as he re settled among the duvet covers. After a few more minutes conversing with the younger nation, the call soon came to an end and Gilbert lay across his bed and dropped his arms over the sides and let a large sigh pass his lips. "Finally gonna do something fun Gilbird, man it's been way to long," he mumbled, reaching down to ruffle the yellow feathers of his bird. Closing his eyes, the ruby-eyed male allowed himself to slowly doze off. In a few hours, just before his overbearing brother was due to arrive home, he would meet with Alfred and finally his plan could be put into action.

_Tick Tock_

_Tick Tock_

"Not even that fucking clock could ruin this moment,"

* * *

 

_Knock Knock_

Gilbert slowly opened one of his eyes and grumbled slightly as he pushed himself as so he was sitting up, then swinging his legs over the side of his bed and letting out a small sigh.

“What the fuck was that,” he grumbled, bringing a hand to rub at his eyes before blinking a few times and leaning forward a little.

_Knock Knock Knock_

Gilbert groaned at the noise, it was faint but he could still damn well hear it. The recognisable noise of somebody knocking at the door. He wasn’t sure who the hell it would be. Glancing at the clock, he was still in good time to be meeting with Alfred, and Ludwig wouldn’t knock to enter his own house for heaven’s sake. Pushing himself from his bed, he made his way towards the basement door and climbed back up the stairs so he was then in the main house. His brother’s house wasn’t exactly giant. But it still left enough room for the pair of them. Plus Gilbird, and the Germans 3 pet dogs who Gilbert really wasn’t too fond of. It wasn’t exactly like he hated the damn things, he was an animal lover himself and didn’t hate any animal. But after the incident of Aster, his brother’s beloved Golden Retriever, deciding that the Prussians hand was possible edible, he hadn’t enjoyed the dogs company as much as he used too. Making sure that the animals were still shut away in Ludwig’s bedroom, he quickly made his way to the front of the house and toward the door. On opening it he was quickly greeted by a wave of enthusiastic Italian.

“Prussia!” the accented voice cried and a blur of chocolate-brown hair was quickly shuffling past Gilbert and into the house. He couldn’t stop the excitable little Italian, not even the awesome Prussia could avoid calling Feliciano cute. Because in all truth that’s exactly what he was.

“Feli!” Gilbert replied, ruffling the shorter nation’s hair once he managed to stay still long enough for him too. “What brings you here? Aren’t you supposed to be at that meeting?” he asked, come to think of it. Shouldn’t Alfred have been at that meeting too?

“Well, my Lovino has gone instead of me. Sometimes we take turns!” the younger man grinned, pulling his arms behind his back and tilting his head a little to the side before asking, “Is Ludwig back from the meeting yet?” his large, brown eyes looking at Gilbert in a pleading manner, he knew his brother got on well with the Italian nation. Sometimes he wondered if they got on too well.

“Nah. West is probably conducting the whole damn meeting himself,”

“He does like to do that doesn’t he?” Feliciano added, moving further into the German’s home and sitting down on one of the large sofas that was placed within the spacious living room. “You know when he’ll be back?”

“Nope.” Gilbert began, joining Feliciano in the living room and sitting in one of the smaller chairs. Propping his feet up on the coffee table. His brother despised him doing this, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“Can I wait here till he gets back?”

“Sure, but I’m meeting Al soon.”  Gilbert then looked over toward the clock that hung on the living room wall, it reading 5:30pm, “Soon as in like 10 minutes.”

“Oh, well I won’t make a mess!” the Italian giggled, leaning back in his chair and flashing the Prussian a wide grin, knowing Gilbert wouldn’t mind him waiting in his brothers home. “Where are you going with America anyway?” he then asked, a little interested in what the Albino was going to be doing. He knew Prussia didn’t meet with other nations very often. Not since the unification of Germany anyway.

“Fucking in Austria.” The oldest of the pair answered, earning a nod from Feliciano. Gilbert then slowly got up and headed back into his basement, retrieving his phone and grabbing his black hooded jumper. “I might head off a little early,” he explained to Feli, slipping the jumper on and heading towards the door, “Tell West I’ve gone out will ya?” he asked the brunette, who quickly agreed as Gilbert grinned and exited the house. Excited for what lay ahead.

“This is gonna be awesome!” he yelled toward the sky, the large smirk across his face not leaving as he made his way to the arranged meeting place with Alfred.

* * *

 

The loud sigh of an exhausted German was heard as the blonde finally entered his home. It had been a long day. And that was a complete understatement. If the constant arguing between the Arthur – England and Francis – France wasn’t enough, the sudden presence of a rather fiery little Italian was pushing it. He could deal with the two European nations constant fighting, is was expected from the pair these days. But having to put up with Lovino Vargas for longer than an hour was harder than any fight Arthur and Francis had ever gotten themselves into. Ludwig dropped his briefcase in the hallway and brought his arms over his head and let a small yawn pass his lips. He was certainly tired. He shook off his jacket and placed it upon one of the hangers that were placed on the hall walls.

“Germany? Is that you?!” Ludwig was a little startled by the unexpected voice that soon popped up. It certainly wasn’t the voice of his older brother. Was he hearing things? His question was soon answered as a head looked around the living room door, a wide grin across the shorter nations face and a look of slight shock upon the Germans.

“Feli? What are you doing here?” Ludwig asked, himself entering the living room and sitting down on the couch previously occupied by Feliciano.

“Well,” the brunette began, returning to the sofa and sitting himself down next to the blonde, “I came here to see you but you hadn’t gotten home. Gilbert said I could stay here ‘till you came home!”

“And where is Gilbert? I haven’t seen that dummkopf since I arrived home,” to be honest, Ludwig hadn’t expected to ‘see’ his brother upon entering the house. He had only been in for a few minutes. But it was usual to at least hear the elder sibling shouting at some stupid game or laughing to himself. But Ludwig had seen no sign of the Prussian.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” Feliciano smiled, leaning closer into the larger German, “He told me to tell you he was going out!”

“Did he say where?” Ludwig became slightly interested, it was unusual for his brother to want to leave the confides of his basement alone. Usually it had something to do with Antonio or Francis. Or Both. And that was never good.

“Yeah! He said he and America are going to fuck Austria.”

 

“THEY'RE GOING TO DO WHAT?!”

Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting that one.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert and Alfred team up with Matthias and prepare to embark on their mission to steal the 'Fucking' sign.  
> Meanwhile Ludwig, and a rather reluctant Feliciano, head out toward Vienna to protect a certain Austrian's behind from an entirely different 'fucking'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally managed to get a chapter up. I've had so much going on recently I just haven't had time. But now here is chapter 2. I think this will be finished with 4-5 chapters rather than just 2. Please feel free to point out any grammatical/spelling errors. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll try not to leave a 4 month gap between them this time ^^.

Chapter 2

“So why weren’t you at the meeting again?” Gilbert asked, taking a swig of the beer that he’d bought himself. The small bar they had found themselves in was one of the older nation’s favourites. Especially since they served the most fantastic German Beer that he'd ever tasted. He didn’t want to brag, but beer in Berlin was the best Beer in Europe anyway. Sitting across from him, Alfred let a quick bark of laughter escape him as he picked up the mug of coffee which sat on the table between the two nations. Courtesy of the Albino of course.

“Well,” he began, a cocky grin forming across his face, “You know Artie gets pissed when I turn up to those meeting right?” he gave a quick glance upward toward the Prussian, who nodded in agreement, before continuing, “Well I just really can’t be dealing with  _‘ALFRED YOU BLOODY WANKER’_ or  _‘IT’S YOU’RE FAULT MY COUNTRY IS IN DEBT’_ all the time! You know? There’s only so much Eyebrows you can take in one day man!”

Gilbert snorted as he listened the American’s impersonation of the temperamental Brit. It wasn’t half bad actually. But Gilbert hadn’t met Alfred and bought him a coffee for nothing. He had more important matters on his hands.

“So! About Austria! I think we need at least one more person to join us! Don’t you think?” Smiling, he finished his drink and placed the glass back onto the table and leant back in his seat. Placing his arms behind his head and awaiting his companions answer.

“Yeah dude I totally agree. All of the best movies have a main trio right? But who to pick…” the blonde’s sentence trailed off as he became lost in thought. The Prussian also had a similar look of his own. Who would be the best pick? It was a difficult one. Especially with the various nations that had dealings with Austria. Switzerland was certainly out. Not only was the nation in cohorts with the Austrian, he was a trigger happy maniac which Gilbert certainly did not want around. Hungary was also out. Besides the whole frying pan thing, she was also too close to Austria. They didn’t want their plan to be discovered until the deed had been done and the sign was in their triumphant hands. So he could rub it in the Little Masters face. Other nations such as his brother, the Italys, Britain, France and Spain were also out. He couldn’t trust half of them to keep their traps shut. Plus Ludwig wouldn’t let him within 100 miles of the Austrian border if he found out he was planning ‘expeditions’ again. The last time that him and Alfred had plotted against the Austrian, (i.e. break into his mansion and defile his piano) it hadn’t exactly gone to plan. The Prussian winced at the memory. Never again.

“What about Matthias?” Alfred perked up, “He doesn’t really do much else except pester the creepy silent guy. Plus he’s cool!” he added, placing the now empty mug onto the table, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he copied the Prussian and placed his own arms behind his head. Gilbert had to agree, the Dane was pretty awesome. Once you got him away from the silent Norwegian and his strange ‘not brother’ Iceland. Last time the three of them had come together, a night of drinking, partying and a rather awkward meeting with Spain had ended up on one of the ex-nations ‘Most Awesome Nights Out’ list. Obviously not a separate section on his blog. That would just be ridiculous.

“Sounds good to me!” Gilbert had to agree. He was pretty sure the Nordic nation would indeed be in on their little plan. Heck, if he wasn't there would be something up with him. Who could even think to turn down such an awesome idea? "Well," he continued, standing from his chair and a wide grin unable to leave his face, "Call Matthias and when you have got him in on the awesome plan, come over to my place and we can sort out the final details before we go retrieve our prize!"

"You mean Luds place? Or more specifically, his basement." Alfred sniped, smirking slightly at the Prussian and watching as Gilbert simply shook his head and sighed.

"Yes, whatever Al!" he retorted, tossing some cash onto the table before turning to leave the bar. "Don't take too long! I might just go by myself!" he called over his shoulder before waving the American goodbye. 

"Hell you will, you'd want someone to gloat with at the very least!" Alfred shouted after him, unable to conceal the laugh that soon followed. 

"That I would!" Gilbert snorted, soon leaving the bar and heading homeward. Awaiting one American and one Dane. They needed to get going. And preferably quickly. If anyone actually found out about this it could end in disaster and Gilbert’s most awesome plan ruined. He wasn't about to let that happen. 

* * *

 

Gilbert sat on one of the sofas in his brother’s living room. It had been a day or so since his conversation with Alfred and he hadn't heard anything since. Funnily enough, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of his little brother either. Or Feliciano, or much of anybody. It was pretty normal for him not to here from nations such as Alfred, but his brother was an almost permanent nag in his ear. So it was rather easy to notice his absence. No sooner had his mind drifted to thinking these things, a loud bang startled him back into reality and he turned to look at the front door. A few more loud bangs later, a couple of snickers could be heard. Yep, he knew exactly who that was. Gilbert felt a small wave of excitement wash over him as he leapt up and went to open the door. And as suspected, was greeted by the loud "HEY" of a hyperactive Dane and a wave of an American.

"So you made it!" Gilbert grinned as he allowed his fellow nations into the house.

"Hell yes we did!" Matthias replied as he walked inside, closely followed by Alfred, “Had to get away from Norge though. Wasn’t easy, but I managed it!”

Gilbert and Alfred certainly could agree with that. That Nordic nation was damn creepy at times. Leading them through to the kitchen, the ex-nation quickly made up a few drinks of coffee and passed them over to the other nations.

“Passports?” he enquired, taking a sip of his own drink. Yes, even nations were required to have passports. Gilbert never quite understood this since there were the personifications of the actual countries. Plus, they didn’t actually need them to get into the country. But never the less, he supposed he would much rather get into a country without getting arrested. Been there, done that and got the t-shirt.

“Of course,” The Dane chimed, bringing his own from his pocket and tossing it onto the side. Alfred showing his own with a wide grin. “But Gil, your Passport. What is it? Cause Prussia is kinda…”

“It’s German.” The Prussian interrupted, cutting off Matthias’ sentence before he could say anything more about the awesome nation of Prussia.

“Kay,” Matthias continued to grin, “So when do we go?!” he then questioned, downing the coffee he had been given and slamming down the mug with a triumphant sigh passing his lips. Alfred just snorted at the older nation, this wasn’t a beer drinking contest.

“Well,” Gilbert began, finishing his own drink and pulling the keys to his car and throwing them up in the air before catching them again, “Whenever you’re ready.” He smirked, this was gonna be awesome. And going by the grins and exclamation of “Hell yeah!” coming from the American and Danish nations, they thought so too.

* * *

 

“Germany, GERMANY! I’m sure I heard wrong, I don’t think Prussia would do something like that please calm down and you’re going to fast GERMANY I DON’T WANT TO DIE!” The constant mantra of words falling from the small Italians mouth was starting to irritate the already confused German.

“Italy! We are on an Autobahn with a minimum speed limit of 100, I can’t go any slower!” he reiterated, for the umpteenth time. “And you won’t die.” He then added as he began easing off of the accelerator as much as he could without it becoming too slow. Just to shut the blubbering Feliciano up a little. His mind was far too focused on saving a certain Austrian’s behind from the clutches of his brother and Alfred. Anything involving his brother and certain other nations was always bound to end in disaster. So off to Vienna they were headed. Much to one Italians dismay. Ludwig wasn’t even intending on bringing him in the first place! But as with almost every scenario involving the both of them, Feli managed to get himself into coming along. Besides, they wouldn’t be here right now if Italy had just kept his mouth shut (which was bordering on impossible most of the time). But was that really the best thing to do? He could never be sure when these things involved Gilbert.

“Okay,” Feliciano mumbled, sinking back into the seat of Ludwig’s Volkswagen. It wasn’t exactly the newest, fastest or most expensive car in the world. But it would get the job done and get them to Vienna, hopefully faster than Gilbert and Alfred. Ludwig wasn’t even sure when they would have set off. Had they even set off? Where they already there? They had already been driving for 6 hours and Vienna was at least another hour and a half. And that was if there was no disruptions. Getting through the Czech Republic was hard enough. From Toll bridges, to road works, to Feli needing to pee every 20 minutes. It really was starting to wear thin on the German nation’s patience. Gilbert’s nation may already be dead, but he was going to be a dead man himself once Ludwig got his hands on him. If Feliciano was also making this whole story up, he would also be dead. Just not as dead as Gilbert.

“Germany” Feli whined, carefully tapping the larger nation’s thigh, “I know I already said this a bunch of times and you are probably getting sick of hearing it. But I really don’t think Gilbert would do this. But it’s nice of you to check Austria. I thought you hated him for stitching up your underwear too much.” Ludwig sighed and tried to will away any form of embarrassment. He really didn’t want to think about the time the aristocrat did indeed live in his home for a while. Especially the underwear situation which he thought was totally unnecessary and rather infuriating. 

“Italy, I don’t hate him.” He informed the Italian, slowing the car slightly and placing it into a lower gear as the traffic on the road began to build up. “But Gilbert, that’s another story.” he growled, gripping the steering wheel of the car ever so slightly tighter. He really was at his wits end with Gilbert. He had hoped that his brother had finally calmed down after his multiple ‘trips’ that required him to go after the idiotic albino. He had already been forced to rescue him from the clutches of England, extract him from an elevator shaft in Iceland and more recently bail him, Antonio and Francis out of prison for smuggling the Spaniard into America inside a suitcase because he had apparently lost his passport somewhere in France. It was really quite surreal. He had said that incident was the final straw. But now, found himself saying this would the final one. And he was certain he wasn’t going to back down on that.

“Don’t kill him too much,” the younger nation said as a yawn almost cut off the end of his sentence. He hadn’t slept at all since they first began the long drive. The trek was beginning to take its toll on him. “He makes awesome Pancakes like Canada,” his voice at almost a whisper as he curled up as much as he could within the seat of the car and closed his eyes. Ludwig quickly glanced over and couldn’t help but allow a small smile come across his face. Even as big and strong a nation as he was, he still couldn’t help but think how cute the Feli was as he let sleep take him. Letting a small yawn escape him, the blonde returned his eyes to the road and increased the speed of the vehicle. The traffic was beginning to get going again, luckily for them. They’d be in Vienna in no time. Then they could find Austria, explain the situation and hopefully drag Gilbert and Alfred back to Germany. That would be the ideal plan. However when it came to the eccentric Prussian, things were anything but ideal.

“What am I going to do with you, brother?” he mumbled under his breath as he continued down the Autobahn. They’d be able to put this entire thing behind them soon enough.

He hoped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ludwig and Feliciano make it to Vienna only to discover that Gilbert and Alfred are not actually there. Roderich meanwhile is highly confused about the entire situation until Feli mentions something that makes him want to strangle the idiotic Albino. 
> 
> However Ludwig, Feliciano and Roderich are not the only ones looking for these dolts. As more nations begin to join the manhunt, and they discover the missing two are actually a missing three, will the awesome Trio ever get to Fucking, Austria?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow an Update which didn’t take months. Thank you for all the Kudo’s and comments. I really enjoy writing this story! So this chapter starts to drag a few more unfortunate nations in this tale. If you see any spelling, grammatical errors please feel free to point them out :)  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Deft fingers brushed against ivory keys, the sound of Mozart echoed through the hallways as if a concert was being played. Roderich closed his eyes and allowed the music to flow through him, his hands moving against the keys with precision and expertise. Music was one part of the Austrians life he was happy to let take over. Each individual note resonated in his mind as he allowed himself to become immersed in the piece.

_BANG BANG_

‘Ignore it’ he willed himself, the pace of his playing slowing a little but soon picked up again once the brunette regained his composure. He wasn’t sure what the source of the foreign sound was. But it wasn’t a concern of his. It was just him and the beautiful sound of the p-

_BANG BANG BANG_

The sudden halt of Roderich’s hands caused an awful noise to ring through the air making him inwardly cringe. Quickly muttering an apology to the instrument as he stood from the cushioned bench and carefully laid the lid of the Grand Piano closed. Running his fingers along the mahogany surface, he let an exasperated sigh leave him. He straightened the cravat that hung around his neck, turning to leave the room as the banging sound continued. Clearly, somebody didn’t appreciate leaving a nation alone at this time of night. It was almost eleven for heaven’s sake. Pushing his glasses further up his nose, the Austrian nation approached the door and swiftly pulled it open. He was then greeted by a large German and a small, whimpering Italian.  Raising an eyebrow, he folded his arms across his chest as his violet eyes met with a pair of blue.

“What on earth are you doing here at such an hour?” he snapped, not exactly a friendly greeting, however after being so rudely interrupted he wasn’t particularly concerned with courtesy. Raising an eyebrow at the smaller of the two nations in front of him, the Italian looking as if he’d been through hell and back. “And what’s wrong with Feliciano?”

“He’s been sick.” Ludwig began, seeing the Austrians grimace he then continued, “But apart from that have you seen my brother?” The question coming as a slight surprise to Roderich, though when it came to Gilbert nothing was surprising.

“Gilbert? Of course I haven’t seen him. If I had, I’m sure half of Europe would know about it.” Roderich quickly answered, finally turning and inviting Ludwig and Feliciano inside. He decided against his current mind set of leaving them to freeze on the doorstep. Plus he didn’t really want to stand talking outside at almost 11 at night. “What has he done this time?” he then questioned as he lead them into the rather spacious living area of his home.

“Well, you apparently,” the German deadpanned as he helped his nauseous counterpart lay down onto the soft fabric of the sofa and seating himself next to him. Roderich meanwhile felt his face heat up as he quickly turned to face Ludwig, mouth slightly agape as the words reached his ears.

“He has done no such thing!” the Austrian spluttered, glaring at Germany as he brought his hand to remove his glasses momentarily before adjusting them once again whilst making sure to remain composed. Or as best as he could anyway. He wasn’t the type to become flustered with petty matters, and he wasn’t going to start now. “How would he when I haven’t even seen him?” Ludwig let a sigh of relief wash over him as he sunk back into the cushions of the seat, absentmindedly placing his hand atop Feliciano’s head.

“Feli said that he was coming here to, well, fuck you with America so I got a little concerned,” Ludwig’s relief didn’t do much for the Austrian. The usual composure he held was slowly melting away as he became; well he wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed, disgusted or down right confused. “But he isn’t here so I guess he heard wrong and it was a wasted trip.” The German added, turning to look up toward the agitated Roderich.

“I see,” he muttered, turning to walk into the kitchen. Confusion clearly laced within the words as he made his way towards the counter and began to prepare a pot of tea. He could see why Gilbert would want to do something like that, but Alfred? He hadn’t much contact with the American after the World Wars. Partially because he couldn’t stand his constant noise. If Gilbert was planning something, he was almost certain he’d have seen some sign of the albino by now. He wasn’t a quiet nation by any means. Especially when it came to breaking into his home. His precious Carinthia being violated by said Prussian and American was the final straw and he was about ready to declare war on the pair of them. Although declaring war on a dead nation and a complete idiot would be slightly difficult, the Austrian mused. After preparing the tea, he returned into the living room and surprised to see that Feliciano had finally joined the world of the living. Placing the tea onto the small, glass table in front of the sofa, he took a seat opposite the two Axis nations. “Now,” Roderich began, taking a cup and sipping some of the tea, “Explain, both of you.” he looked between the German and the Italian before leaning back in the chair. He certainly wanted an explanation to this, no matter how long winded or weird.

“Well, I got home a few days ago and Feliciano told me that my brother and Alfred had come here to Austria to fuck you.” Ludwig couldn’t look the Austrian in the eyes as he spoke, instead choosing to pick up one of the cups and stare into the brown liquid instead.

“I told you I don’t know what he meant!” Feliciano piped up, his large brown eyes looking up into the German nations own. “He told me he was going to Fucking Austria so I think he meant to have sex with him I don’t know Germany please don’t be mad I don’t know these things!” Feliciano’s words sounded as if they had all been strung together and were coming out at an incredibly fast pace. As Ludwig again tried to calm down the flustered Italian, Roderich’s eyes widened slightly as he tried to piece together what the younger nation had actually said.

“Felicano,” he addressed the brunette, sipping his tea before continuing, “You said they were going to Fucking, Austria. Correct?” the nod he received confirmed Roderich’s own suspicions as he smirked to himself. Ludwig now looking toward him, with concern glazing over his features.

“What?” he asked, downing his drink in one and placing the cup back onto the glass table. Austria let out a long sigh and turned his gaze toward the large German. It was at this moment, Roderich knew he was ready to murder Gilbert. In one way or another.

“Once I get my hands on him, I'm going to kill him.”

* * *

 Lukas wasn't one to miss his Danish counterpart. Hell, he probably wouldn't even notice his absence half the time. In truth, he didn't. However this time was different. His home was quiet,  _far_  too quiet. And that  _was_  noticeable. He appreciated the silence, but it was  _too_  silent. The stoic Norwegian stood in the small, old home he owned and ran a hand through the soft strands of his blonde hair and sighed. Without the brash, cocky Matthias pestering him like a lost puppy it was as if Sweden finally got sick of him driving back and forth across the Øresund Bridge and pushed him off of it. It wouldn't surprise Lukas if Berwald actually did do that, but seeing as nations can't exactly die he was even more certain that the Dane would find some other way to piss of the rest of the Nordics after he fished himself from the sea. It was just what he was like. But, he doubted that Matthias would stay silent about where he was unless he was up to something. A frown formed on Lukas' face as his thoughts on his fellow nations current location began to circulate through his mind. He could list several potential scenarios and most of them either involved Beer, Liquorice, Furniture or all three of these combined. That was never a good thing. Lukas removed his phone from his pocket and unlocked the device, quickly scrolling through the contact list until he came across Matthias. Clicking the call button, he brought the phone to his ear and awaited the Danes answer. Listening to the deep ringing tone, he scowled slightly as the seconds ticked on. Yes it was late, but that bastard never sleeps. Or that’s what it seems like anyway. Just as he was about to go and find the Dane to throw his phone at, he actually picked up. 

_"Norge! Hey listen I'm kinda bu-"_

"Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with?" the Norwegian interrupted, firing questions at Matthias quickly. His monotone voice not showing how annoyed he was slowly becoming with the Danishman.

_"Chill Lukas damn,"_ the blonde was sure he could hear snickering in the background.  _"I'm going somewhere with someone but I can't tell you any of the details because It's se-"_

"Don't you 'it's a secret me' Dane," Lukas snapped, losing himself for a few seconds, "Where are you!" his patience was beginning to wear thin, and that wasn't something that happened often. If Matthias was here now, he certainly wouldn't be standing.

" _Come on dude, don't tell him just hang up!"_  He heard someone shout through the receiver. That sounded like Alfred. What was he doing with that idiot? Lukas felt like banging his head against the wall. America meant one of many things. But usually meant that Denmark was drunk.  _"Give me the damn phone"_ this time the American accent sounded closer and a small shout was heard, as well as some static type sounds. At this point, the Norwegian was highly confused. 

_"I'm trying to fucking drive guys! Do you guys want to die or what?"_  This voice was much easier to recognise. Clearly the accent of Gilbert Beilschmidt. Lukas gripped the small electronic device tightly in his hand, more yelling and static noises resonated from the speaker until he then heard a long, deep tone signifying the phone had disconnected. Slowly lowering the phone, he locked it again and placed it back into his pocket. Gritting his teeth, he went over to the small kitchen at the back of his home and leaned over the sink. Placing his hands at either side of the basin, he glared at the pristine white surface before mumbling to himself.

"I'm going to kill him,"

* * *

Arthur knew something was amiss as soon as he noticed a certain someone absent from the world meeting. He was by no means stupid, he knew that Alfred F. Jones only skipped these meeting when he was involved with some bizarre scheme. If it wasn't bungee jumping from the empire state, sky diving whilst wearing nothing but a parachute or dumping the Brits tea into pearl harbour, it was something to do with his 'majestic grand plans' to sort out Global Warming and other world issues. All of which were either completely impossible or downright ridiculous. The Englishman sighed heavily as he continued to gaze out of the window of his hotel room, cup of tea in hand. The lights of buildings illuminating the streets with colours of burnt orange and yellow. The white glow from a full moon peeking from behind one of the many clouds that littered the night sky. He noted not a single star could be seen. Well of course it was difficult to see such things in the centre of a city. He was to return to London tomorrow and although he enjoyed being in his home country of England, places such as here in Berlin were beautiful as well. Bringing the cup to his lips, he finished the last of the tea and allowed his mind to wander. Where on earth could America have gotten to? It wasn't as if he was all that worried about Alfred. It was more the fact he knew he would be getting himself into trouble. He had raised the lad from the time he was a toddler for goodness sake, of course he would learn these things. The American had a way about him where he would avoid Arthur when doing something he knew wasn't acceptable. Similar to a child avoiding their parents. Shaking his head, he decided it was best to leave things as they were for now. He really didn't want to involve himself in such matters. Standing from the seat by the window, he gave the cityscape a final glance before turning into the small kitchen area of his room. He hadn't planned to stay in Germany as long as he had. The meeting was a fair few days ago now. However as a result of some negotiations between him and several other of the nations, he had paperwork to do and he found it much easier to simply stay in Berlin to complete it rather than travel all the way back to England. Travel wasted time, and that time could be used to complete these papers. He'd rather get them out of the way now so he could have longer to relax at home later. As he placed the cup into the dishwasher, he felt the vibrations of his mobile in his pocket. Fishing it out, he saw the name of 'Lukas Bondevik'. He wondered for a moment why the Nordic Nation would contact him at this time, but he simply shrugged and answered the call.

_"Where is America?"_ A deadpan voice spoke through the receiver. Well a hello would have been nice.

"I haven't got a clue, Lukas." he sighed, choosing to lean against the granite surface of the kitchen counter, "Why. Is there a problem?"

_"Matthias is missing and with him. Gilbert too. I assumed you'd know where Alfred would be."_   

Arthur rolled his eyes and walked back toward the window he was looking out of previously. Of course he was up to something. Of course he was with those two fools. "Well I don't. What do you want me to bloody do about it?" he snapped, quickly regretting asking when he got the Norwegians answer.

_"Find them. And quickly because me, Matthias, Emil, Berwald and Tino have a meeting in a week and if he doesn't attend, we can't sort out our trade agreements."_ Arthur didn't have so much time to even utter another word before Lukas had disconnected the line. 

"Shit," he cursed, throwing the phone onto the seat he was now stood next to. Why the hell was he always dragged into these things? It hadn't anything to do with him! Plus, he didn't even know where to start looking! The Norwegian hadn't given him any information other than Prussia and Denmark was with him. Making a fist, he hit his hand against the thick glass of the window and now looked upon the city scape with a scowl etched into his features.

"I'm going to bloody kill that bastard!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carinthia - Carinthia is a southern Austrian region in the eastern Alps that encompasses Austria’s highest mountain, Grossglockner. It is characterised by alpine lakes and mountains, as well as medieval buildings like Hochosterwitz Castle. 
> 
> I thought it'd be fun to give Roderich's Piano a name, and I really like the name of this region of Austria so that's what it became xD
> 
> This is the piano piece he is playing at the beginning of the chapter. Before he was interrupted anyway x) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0rOe6KfmTo
> 
> Øresund Bridge - The Øresund Bridge is an approximately 16 km long road and rail link between Sweden and Denmark.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this ^^
> 
> If you did enjoy this, you could check out my other fics if you want too :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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